This is mainly just to vent before I go to work because I don't want to snap at my boss and get fired ;A;

Ok so my friend and I have been drifting apart for a logn while and I hold grudges and shit has happened and she finally told me she hated me too and so yeah we had a fight over msn.
I'm guessing that's the end of that but she said some real nasty things and despite the impression I give off, blunt/cheerful/whatever, I can be pretty insecure and she told me that a lot of the friends we have in common all think I'm a total bitch.
And I know everyone here is just gonna say, don't listen and she's just saying that to upset you but I know I can be a fair bitch sometimes and I've got this horrible sinking feeling in my stomach and a huge lump in my throat and I'm so scared that my friends will agree with her and just forget about me.
I mean I think she's a bitch [with a few nice qualities] but maybe that's just me. Maybe everyone else thinks she's really nice and that I'm the nasty evil cow. I'm an only child so I'm alright with being by myself but I'm actually really nervous that I've been really horrible to my friends.
I don't mean to be nasty but I'm blunt and get angry easy. My fuse is so short I can't even wrap it around my little finger =A=
I often don't realise when I've said something nasty so I don't apologise.
Guh, I'm freaking out and making myself depressed.
I believe my friends won't take sides cause they're cool like that, but I've still got this piece of lead sitting in my gut adn this nasty little voice in the back of my mind telling me that they'll choose her because she's better than I am.
Anyway sorry about the emo fest. I just needed to vent. Hopefully I won't get under too muhc pressure at work, crying at work = getting yourself made fun of...which'll end in me chucking a hissy fit. That would be bad.